The Moral Compass Chronicles
An audio time capsule centered around morality - encouraging people around the world on the importance of governing one’s life in a morally [and biblically] sound manner!
The Moral Compass Chronicles
The Power of Perception: Poor Analysis Leads to Poor Decisions
Our perception is not always reality, and when our analysis of a situation is wrong, our conclusions and decisions will inevitably be wrong as well. This principle explains why so many of our interpersonal conflicts start from misunderstandings that could have been avoided with better communication and a willingness to question our initial perceptions.
grace and peace. Grace and peace, one and all. Welcome to another rendition of the moral compass chronicles. I am your guy, I'm your boy, Eyon Jay. It's truly a blessing to be here. Yet again. Shout out to my sister, Savannah, for this cup. I'm enjoying it thoroughly. I had my morning coffee out of there earlier, and so it is a privilege, man, to be here with each and every single one of you guys. I am honored to be able to continue this, just to have another day giving God thanks for another day, another opportunity. Have another day giving God thanks for another day, another opportunity. I want to dive right into this thing Now, our last chronicle that we had.
Speaker 1:We talked about choices, and I want to remind somebody that your choices outweigh your circumstances. I know many times it feels like when we're in a situation, when we have a particular circumstance, that that is what defines us. I want to remind somebody and encourage somebody that your situation does not define you. You are not your situation, you are not your circumstance, and the choices that you make on an every single day basis, your choices and decisions, will determine where you end up. For the most part, all right. Your choices have the ability to get you out of your current circumstance. It's your decisions on a daily basis, the choices that you make, the actions that you decide to take. That outweighs the circumstance that you were born into. Oftentimes, all right, and I don't want to go you know too much into that. That was the last chronicle. If you, if you didn't hear that one, go take a listen to that last episode. It's on the podcast available everywhere Apple, spotify, I mean everywhere, everywhere, everywhere, everywhere. It's a blessing that this podcast is available everywhere, and so I have this thought that I want to share with you guys on today. Now. It's so crazy, because god has been preparing me for this journey and this enterprise that I am creating the mediation, the problem solving, the conflict resolution, the long form content in the form of this podcast. I've been getting prepared for this. I have been learning through my experiences and, over the last few years, studying to show myself approved and and diligently working to understand and be able to articulate that which I see. And so, back in 2022, this thought came to me and I wrote this down. This thought came to me and I wrote this down October. This note was created October 24th 2022 at 910 pm Eastern Standard Time. The thought I wrote was because their analysis is wrong, their conclusion Will absolutely be wrong, and that's what I want to talk about here today. We talked about choices in the last episode, the last chronicle, we talked about choices. I feel like we're just piggybacking on that topic here today, because when your analysis of a particular situation or circumstance is incorrect, your initial analysis you wind up with misguided conclusions. And I want to tell a little, a funny little story here.
Speaker 1:I was in the laundromat with my wife uh, maybe two weeks ago or so and I'm in the laundromat. There's, there's a homeless guy in the laundromat and it's two things. Watch this, the devil was really like trying to mess with me on that particular day. My wife I know my wife remembers this when you're listening to this sweetie Um, I'm in the laundromat, I have my machines that I'm using. There's a sink in the laundromat as well. You know you can go to the sink and you know, fill your things up with water, do whatever, do whatever you need to do at the sink and you know clean things whatever, whatever, I mean wash your hands, whatever.
Speaker 1:The case may be. Right, um, there's a homeless guy who's in the laundromat. He came into the laundromat specifically to clean himself. Now this is very unfortunate circumstance, um, and you know life, life happens. So the guy's homeless, he's in the laundromat cleaning himself at the garbage can, has feces all over him.
Speaker 1:It was a bad sign, it was a bad sight and the the worker said sir, you cannot do that in here. I mean in the middle of the laundromat, the gentleman is cleaning his feces filled pants and his undergarments and himself in the with a rag in the garbage can, throwing this stuff. I mean definitely a hazard, like a biohazard, like type vibe. She told him yo, you cannot do that in here. He didn't listen right. So he's going about his business. I'm doing my business, I'm no pun intended. I'm washing my clothes. I'm going back and forth to the sink. The gentleman and myself we meet at the sink. So now let me, like I want you to understand I'm washing my clothes in the laundry machines.
Speaker 1:This gentleman is washing his body using that same sink that everybody needs to use. The guy has feces all over him and he has a rag that he's using. Mind you, it was the laundromat rag that was on the sink. He took the rag and I'm praying for this guy because that's a tough spot to be in and I definitely have empathy and I didn't say anything to him. I just feel bad. But you know what? We crossed paths because I'm going to the sink sink and he's now trying to. He's washing out his rag that has feces and stuff on it in the sink and I'm sorry, I didn't intend to tell this this elongated story.
Speaker 1:You all say I'm long-winded, but that's why I have the podcast shout out to the moral compass chronicles. You know the moral compass chronicles. This microphone and this platform will always listen to me, even when someone doesn't want to. So shout out. To shout out to the to the moral compass Chronicles. Now, yes, that's very disgusting.
Speaker 1:And now some might say, well, you probably shouldn't even use that sink anymore. You're right, a hundred percent Right. But right before he actually got into the sink, I went and I stopped by the sink and he's looking at me like, oh, you got users. I'm like I didn't. I'm like, yeah, so he moves out the way. Right, I go to the sink. I do what I got to do. I didn't touch anything for real. For real, I just used let the water that was running. I filled something with the water, obviously untouched by any of the things that he got going on. And I'm going back to my machine, my machine.
Speaker 1:With my luck, this same gentleman now, I guess when he moved away from the sink he goes and stands, just coincidentally stands in front of my machine, which is like it's not even like it's on the end near the sink. My man went, it's like he went and found my machine, bro, and he is now cleaning himself in front of my machine, and when I come back around the corner to get to my machine, I'm like, oh my God, of course, with my luck he'd be standing. So now it's like two times me and him cross paths, like directly, and he's now looking a little frustrated because he's like yo man, like as if he don't have no privacy. Meanwhile, bro, you're cleaning yourself in the middle of the laundromat, cleaning feces, wiping your behind and your privates in the middle, pants down everything, bro, in the middle of the laundromat. So, but he's frustrated now because like he not getting no privacy, because now he felt like I'm following him. So the guy like throws a fit and I'm just like, bro, you're in front of my machine. I didn't even say nothing yet, though. So so bro now walks past me again, pants down, everything goes back over to the sink. I'm doing what I'm doing to the machine and now I'm tight because, guess what, with my luck I have to go back to the sink, bro. So I go around to the sink and the guy is at the sink again and now he's tight. He blurts out yo, why the F? You following me, man, why are you following me? And I'm like I almost blew a gasket because I'm like bro, I'm following you. That is one example of someone's analysis being so. Talk about being loud and wrong. We talked about that in the earlier episodes of the moral compass chronicles. If you remember being loud and wrong, bro, I mean, and god forbid. Now you got to apologize. The gentleman now feels like I'm following him. Mind you, I'm in the laundromat doing what I have to do, the correct way.
Speaker 1:Bro is in a laundromat, he not washing no clothes in no machine. Bro is washing himself and the feces off of himself in the sink. And bro accused me of following him and and and and I had to let him know bro, nobody's following you, bro. The lady had to call the police on him and everything. And bro eventually left and left feces everywhere, on a chair. He was sitting in, sat down and it was a mess. It was a mess, it was a mess. That is one example of someone's analysis being incorrect. From the from the beginning, he started feeling like I was following him. He drew a conclusion Now this guy is following me, he's trying to mess with me, whatever the case may be. And so then, boom, now we, we have a little argument before ultimately he leaves.
Speaker 1:Same day, in the same laundromat, right, and I really want to. I want to dig into this, so I want to. I'm gonna keep. I'm gonna try to keep this short. Here, same day, no coincidence, now in the same laundromat. Now my wife and I were done washing. Now it's time to go over to the side with the dryers. Our clothes are drying, some of them are done, she has. The laundromat was fairly empty that day. It wasn't really full. So you know, a lot of times if it's too full, we'd have to share a folding table. But today she had one because we had a lot of clothes on that particular day. She had one um folding table to herself. I had one to myself also.
Speaker 1:She's folding her clothes, I'm folding mine, and now a young lady comes up, probably around the same age as me. She comes over now and she starts using the dryers that are right next to my folding table. Right, and she comes over and I can't tell if she's folding or putting clothes into the dryer or taking them out of the dryer. Now she came over as she's doing her stuff, you know, with her clothes in a cart and she's putting some in the dryer, taking some things out, you know, sifting through some of the clothes. She's folding certain things up and then she starts putting them on the folding table that I was using, I mean directly next to me.
Speaker 1:So like, right when that I saw, it kind of happened and I saw her, like in the area, in the vicinity, mind you, my wife has a folding table. So I look at my wife and I say yo, babe, should I come fold over there? Like should I fold next to you? Or cause I don't know if she, if she needs space, maybe I'll give her, give her the space to fold her stuff. And my wife was like I don't know, just, you know, wait and see if she needed, I guess, whatever. So I'm like, all right, cool.
Speaker 1:So I keep folding clothes. The lady has her clothes directly next to me. And I'm now in my mind, I'm trying to figure out yo, should I ask her if she needs a table? You know cause I, I, I could easily move to the table next to my wife, right, if this lady don't have a table, I'll give her mine, you know. And I'm just trying to like assess the situation. So, as I'm assessing, I'm like kind of like looking at her a little bit just to see, all right, is she putting clothes in, is she taking clothes out? Like what's going on? And in a second I'll ask her. Right, I just want to assess first, but I'm going to ask her if she needs somewhere to fold, cause I'll happily give my sister here this table to fold on, or I'll move over a little more. And now, mentally, I'll know okay, I only have half this table. You know that sort of thing, we've all been there, right? Nothing too crazy.
Speaker 1:About five minutes later I'm going in and out of my dryer, fold my clothes. Her stuff is still on the table next to my stuff, right, and this lady Is, she's on the phone. She comes over and she's on the phone and I just hear her bad mouthing somebody talking about and she's jamaican. So you know how that go. She's talking about how this, this, this, um, this, this man come staring at her clothes and watching her as if she don't wash our clothes, and and this big belly man, this big belly man that, like, now she's insulting somebody and she's talking about this and that and and uh, you know insulting the person, but then also saying, you know, but, as she's talking about this and that and and and uh, you know insulting the person, but then also saying you know, but as she's talking, I'm like yo, she's clearly talking about somebody in his laundromat right now.
Speaker 1:And as she keeps talking, I'm like wait a minute, bro, this lady's talking about me and how I'm staring at her clothes as if she don't wash her clothes, and because she put on her clothes right next to mine and I'm staring at her clothes as if she don't wash our clothes. And because she put on her clothes right next to mine and I'm staring at her clothes, making faces at her clothes and watching her as if her clothes not clean, and just all of this stuff on the phone. And so I I start actively listening and she's talking to her mother, and now she's. Now she and I are standing directly next to each other, bro, and she is bad mouthing me to her mother on the phone, right in front of me, as if I'm not there. So I you know me now I'm a, I'm a, I'm a problem solver. I try to deescalate situations. So I say, wait a minute, sis, you didn't think I was like, you know, watching you in a bad way or anything, right you? And she's like no, no, no, don't try to say nothing to me now. Don't try to say nothing to me now. You're sitting there, I see you watching my stuff as if my clothes dirty, and she's going. Now she's talking to me and I'm like no, no, no, no, sis, I was trying to figure out if you, if you, were drying clothes and if you needed a space to fold your clothes, and but now, at this point she has made up her mind about what I was doing, to the point where now it's a whole problem in her head. I hope somebody's with me now.
Speaker 1:I know this story went on for a while, but there's a, there's a method to the madness, there's a point I'm trying to make right. She has decided in her mind already that this ugly, big belly man and, mind you, my belly, not even that big. Y'all know me, so y'all know I look good, like let's keep it a hundred. I'm a decent looking guy, like I ain't. No, you know what I'm saying. But she's like this, this hideous looking man, ugly man with this, and that you know, in here with his pregnant girlfriend, mind you, that's my wife like keep it 100. She's a wife for real, so put some respect on her name.
Speaker 1:But and she has decided that that's what I was doing, bro, to the point where now she's cursing me, she, she went and called her mother telling her mother about this whole thing, incident that happened or that's happening currently. And you did all that just so you can insult me in a third person for real, as if I'm not there, instead of talking to me directly. That's a whole nother story. But my point is, bro, this I actually looked at her while she's like cursing me and telling me she don't want to hear me, don't say nothing to her, don't talk to her, whatever, whatever, whatever. I already disrespect her.
Speaker 1:I looked at her and I said I legitimately said this to her. I said, sis, your anger is terribly misplaced right now. Your anger is terribly misguided. She said oh, my anger is misguided and now I'll be kind of like going back and forth and now she's telling me shut up. Now I'm a man arguing with a woman, how I look like, you know how I look a man arguing, and we're going back and forth and she and she still insulted me and I'm like, bro, are you like? The devil is clearly at work, but that is a bro.
Speaker 1:That woman could not have been any more wrong. She could not have been any more wrong about what I was thinking when I was looking at her clothes and when I was watching her. To mind you, I'm watching her to see if she's putting clothes in the dryer or taking them out, and I realized she's putting clothes in and the things that she has right here, kind of like wet clothes that she don't want to dry, and so I look to make the assessment to then figure out if I need to ask her if she needs some space to fold. I'm trying to be a good dude, I'm trying to be a good person and I'm not saying nothing, but I was looking to see what she had going on. She took that I mean in the absolute worst way possible and accused me of of doing this and thinking this, and I mean all of this stuff, and the lady could not have been more wrong. That that's what I like to refer to as sort of like a chain reaction of incorrect analysis.
Speaker 1:Right, so now the lady had the wrong perspective, the complete wrong perspective. She saw me, she made up this idea in her mind of what I was thinking, what I was doing, what my intentions were, and that's what produced now her perception of what was happening, produced incorrect analysis. So now she's operating with incorrect analysis of the situation that took place, or that was taking place in the moment, which drove her now to the wrong conclusion. She drew the wrong conclusion based off her perception of what I was doing, based on the analysis that she felt she gathered watching me as I'm watching her, so on, so forth, saw me looking at her clothes. She felt like I was looking at her clothes in a bad way, thinking the clothes were dirty or something. She drew the wrong conclusion.
Speaker 1:And now here come her poor decisions. She's now cursing at me, she's insulting me. Mind you, she don't know who I am. She don't know what type of blessing I could have been in her life, what kind of relationship we could have or rapport we could have built from that encounter, had it went positively. You got to be careful when you're that type of person. You got to be careful. When you're that type of person, you got to be careful. Drew the wrong conclusion altogether and, as a result, now she's cursing me, calling me out my name, telling me I'm this, telling me I'm that, and went on and upset herself to the point where now she's upset, she's talking to her mom. Her mom, upset now, probably ruined her day Whole time. I was trying to help her. We get. You gotta be careful, it's.
Speaker 1:It's important to gather accurate information. It's important to ask questions. When you find yourself in a in a disagreement with someone, you find you, you find that you and somebody are not on the same page. I want to teach, I want to teach something here. You and somebody are not on the same page. I want to teach, I want to teach something here. This is what the moral compass chronicles are all about. You find that you and somebody else are not on the same page. You and your brother, your sister in your relationship, your parents, complete strangers. It's important to find out the correct information.
Speaker 1:That situation at the laundromat could have been totally avoided. And you know me now, I'm the type of of person who I thought about that situation all day and I wasn't even thinking to myself, damn, what's wrong with that lady. Because I clearly saw that yo, ok, I see what type of person I'm dealing with here. I see what type of person I'm dealing with. Now I have to act accordingly. But see for me, acting accordingly isn't yo, I'm going to curse at you too. You know, I want you. I'm going to try to make you as upset as you're trying to make me. I actually told a lady, yo, I'm going to pray for you. I actually told her that that's how that's. That was my last thing I said to her, and she didn't even respond to that part. I said I'm going to pray for you. Because I genuinely Now found myself thinking bro, what could I have done differently?
Speaker 1:You know what I could have did differently? Maybe, if I had, I probably should have said something earlier instead of just. You know, people get offended when you stare, or if they feel like you're staring or you're looking at them for too long or you're looking at their belongings. People can kind of get a little defensive in her case, a lot defensive. So I found myself thinking, yo, what could I have done differently in this situation? You know that could have de-escalated it quicker. So she could probably like maybe to the point where she wouldn't even have had to get on the phone. Because once she got on the phone and she's talking, and she's going back and forth with her mom talking about this ugly man who's who's looking at her stuff, like her clothes, not clean.
Speaker 1:Once we got to that point it was pretty much over, because somebody like that you can't reason with them after a certain point. If you're gonna be able to reason with somebody who's that kind, who's temperamental, like that, um, clearly got anger issues which I I've dealt with it in the past too. So I understand completely. You got to know that time is of the essence. Time is. Time is of the essence with certain people and there is a time period where, if de-escalation does not happen, it won't happen, because these are people who will not allow it to happen. If the, if the disagreement gets to a certain point, a certain level, that's it. You either go further and you go higher in the disagreement, or you just end, or it ends right there with no parties being happy.
Speaker 1:But I found myself thinking about what I could have done differently in this situation to avoid her getting so upset. And and yes, maybe it's not my fault and this episode is not about that, but I just this is how my brain works, this is how my heart is wired. It hasn't always been like that, but that this is how it's wired. Now I find myself thinking about what I could have done differently, even when maybe it's not my fault. Air quotes right, and the truth is, if more of us did that, not just after the disagreement but during the disagreement, the world would be a much better place, bro. We would be much further ahead as a society, we would get so many more things done, be a lot less standstills and, and you know, if we were to Sort of put each other and esteem each other higher than ourselves.
Speaker 1:We've talked about this. This is a. It's a biblical principle that can change the world, and it was meant to, and it has Right, but we've got to. We've got to get back to that and and those of us who have never been there we've got to start getting there where I'm esteeming others.
Speaker 1:If, if she had esteemed me higher than herself in that moment, her initial reaction wouldn't have been what it was right. And I guess maybe if I had esteemed her higher than myself sooner, I probably would have been a little more cognizant of whether or not she was noticing that I was like watching her or not necessarily watching her, but you know, looking at her stuff right, we probably could have avoided that. We probably could have avoided that. We probably could have avoided that. But you know, what's done is done and we learned from it. Now I can guarantee you I'll never be in that situation again. I'll speak up sooner.
Speaker 1:Hey, sis, you know, listen, I see you need somewhere to fold. We can share the table, or my wife is over here, I can go over here. You know, if you need some space to fold cause I need you to have space too, you feel me, I need you to have space too. The same way, we shouldn't have two tables, one family have two tables, and then you now have no tables. That was where my head was at. I could have articulated that sooner and did a better job of that before the anger set in on her part, you know, and so.
Speaker 1:But we live, we live, we learn, we move and we go from there. You know, it's important. It's important for us to recognize these situations before they happen. At a certain point. We've got to grow through this, through this. I can't continue to handle these things the way I always have, because if I handle these things the way I always have, the outcome will be the same as it's always been Right and, and you know, the truth is there are some people who don't mind that, and that's that's.
Speaker 1:You know, this conversation it's, yes, it's for anybody, but it it won't reach and resonate with everybody, though it never will. I don't believe it ever will because in order for this conversation, this mindset, this type of thought process that I teach and that I preach, um, to reach the heart of everyone, that would mean we'd all have to kind of be there already there. There are millions of people in this world. Truth is, unfortunately, it's probably the majority of the people who it's like yo, if me and you don't see eye to eye, bro, on this, like I'm good, I'm good on you, I'm walking away, you're cl clipped, you're cut off. You know, that sort of thing is that that toxic mindset and toxic behavior that, quite frankly, is glorified in today's society and in today's day and age where, instead of resolving the conflict.
Speaker 1:I may have started it, but even though I started it, even though it's like mostly my fault because you now are accusing it of being mostly or all my fault I refuse to admit my fault in this, and so now I'm cutting you off, because anything that doesn't align with my peace which half the time, uh, what disturbs people's peace is having to take accountability. That that's the worst part. Your peace is being disturbed in your mind, but the truth is you, you taking accountability, and the need for you to take accountability is really and truly what's disturbing your peace. And if that's the case, should that really be? Your peace is being disturbed because you're being forced to take accountability, and so now you refuse to take accountability because you're not that type of person, and now a relationship has to end.
Speaker 1:We've got to get to the point where the analysis on the forefront is correct. We've got to start judging situations correctly, seeing things not for what we want them to be and and what we feel they are, but for what they actually are. And oftentimes we're not able to get to that place on our own, and that's why you have people like myself, certified mediators, you have lawyers and judges, you have psychologists and therapists and so on and so forth, teachers who can provide wise counsel, and this counsel is meant to guide me in the proper direction that I may not have seen or may not have been able to see on my own. If not for the wise counsel I have received, I probably would not have been able to come to this conclusion that I should be at. If not for the wise counsel, I would be stuck with the wrong analysis, which was my own perspective. The perspective I had was written in analysis that wasn't necessarily correct and true to the situation in the circumstance at hand. As a result, I have drawn the wrong conclusion and as a result of this wrong conclusion, this incorrect conclusion being drawn, I am now making bad decisions because of it. Wise counsel is meant to step in the midst of that and correct it, not just at the end when I am counseling and mediating. I try to get out in front of that because if I could just successfully interject and inject some wisdom right here, where it needs to be now, the perception is changed before the conclusion is made. That's the goal. The perspective needs to be changed before the conclusion is made. That's the goal. The perspective needs to be changed before the conclusion gets made. It's much harder once the conclusion and the decision is made, the bad decisions happen. Now we're hurting each other.
Speaker 1:The analysis matters, the analysis matters, the analysis matters. If your gps is set to the wrong direction or, better yet, the wrong address, it doesn't matter how fast you drive, you're never going to reach the proper destination. It doesn't matter how much traffic you cut up you know what I'm saying. Don't matter how many lights you run, don't matter how many detours you feel like you took, you know cutting out traffic and all of this. None of that matters If your GPS is set to the wrong address. The GPS is your perspective in this analogy. If it's set, if the wrong address is punched in, doesn't matter what you do, don't matter what kind of car you driving, it don't matter if you're using Waze or Google Maps. You put the wrong address in. You're going to get to, you're going to go to the wrong, the wrong destination. So let's be solution based. Let's start to See these things Not just after.
Speaker 1:It's good, the the afterward is the learning experience. Right? I can look at this situation in the laundromat and learn from it, but I'm not just learning from it so that I go and make the wrong analysis and wrong decision again. And then now I'm in the same situation and oh, now I got to learn from it. No decision again. And then now I'm in the same situation and oh, now I got to learn from it. No, I'm learning from this one, so that the next time something happens I can move accordingly.
Speaker 1:I can take a pause, start to draw and line up, outline the right you know, outline things the right way, see things the right way. Outline the right you know. Outline things the right way, see things the right way. Ask questions if I need to. In the midst of the conflict, I'm asking questions.
Speaker 1:This is why I don't like texting. The wrong perspective and perception is king oftentimes. The perception of the text message oftentimes is not what the sender of the text message intended. Texting is one of the lowest forms of communication. So if I need to, if I've got to clarify a text, I have to call and clarify, because I'm not quite sure what this meant and I would hate to take this text message out of context. I would hate to take what you just said to me out of context if that's not what you meant.
Speaker 1:It behooves me, and it behooves you, it behooves us both, to have a conversation about what we mean and what we meant when we said this, what we were feeling. Why did I say this? Did I say this because something else happened? Is there more to the story that I don't know yet? I was just having a conversation with my cousin earlier today and, had she made a certain decision without me knowing why, I would be left to my own imagination, and it wasn't something between us. So she didn't owe me the conversation. She called me because she wanted to talk to me about it. But now I know, and furthermore, I was able to speak into the situation, I was able to offer some little wisdom that I may have, and by the end of the conversation, she's like well, you know, maybe, maybe I got to wait a little bit. Then, the decision that I thought I was going to make, based on the conclusion that I've drawn, based off my own analysis of the current situation I don't know anymore Based off what you're telling me, eon, maybe it'll be smart for me to hold off on the decision I thought I was ready to make.
Speaker 1:This is the moral compass. Chronicles man. This is the Moral Compass. Chronicles man, this is the Moral Compass Chronicles, and your analysis of the situation cannot be wrong. Your perception is not always reality. You've got to try to find and figure out the reality of the situation, because it's the reality of the situation that will cause you to draw the proper conclusion, which will then allow you to make the necessary decision that needs to be made. I hope this has helped somebody. I hope this has helped somebody. I hope this has helped somebody, even if it's one person. This is the Moral Compass Chronicles. I love you Until next time.